Whenever you're in a conversation with someone over the net, be it in email or in chat, be sure to regularly say "MY PINEAPPLE IS ON FIRE!". Keep saying it and offer no explanation since it's pretty obvious your pineapple is on fire and therefore no further explanations are necessary. After you
extinguish the fire, be sure to regularly say "MY PINEAPPLE HAS WATER AND IS COLD NOW! WARM IT UP!", ...