i like them. They've got a good flow to it is there a message to be conveyed?
Thread: little baby midget poems. i LIKE EM. | Forum | Gaia Online  |
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Started 1 month, 4 weeks ago by kikkaku
Stained
Those coarse, dry, hands
cradle the Word.
And Glimpses are heard
of embittering talk.
But I stand up
to kneel for the heart,
and blood-stained hands
From centuries ago.
My hands.
I wash them clean,
So coarse, so dry.
images
Upon the consumption of reverie
I return to the gray where every
wave and shape dances
whenever called,
and I am engulfed by a...
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ashiro6 replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
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kikkaku replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
ashiro6 i like them. They've got a good flow to it is there a message to be conveyed?
the first has more of a message and an introspect, the second is more.....the observation of an experience, so there is less of a message to it.
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mike645 replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
good
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kikkaku replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
mike645 good
thanks
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The Mysterious Gunslinger replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
Sounded like every other person on Gaia, to be honest.
"I wrote a poem, think it's good-- when I need a lot of work".
Move along.
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kikkaku replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
The Mysterious Gunslinger Sounded like every other person on Gaia, to be honest.
"I wrote a poem, think it's good-- when I need a lot of work".
Move along.
that's because pieces are best done as a collaborative process with other writers.
it's called peer review.
this isn't a finished project, when it is i'll share it just to share like the first poem.
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The Mysterious Gunslinger replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
kikkaku The Mysterious Gunslinger Sounded like every other person on Gaia, to be honest.
"I wrote a poem, think it's good-- when I need a lot of work".
Move along.
that's because pieces are best done as a collaborative process with other writers.
it's called peer review.
this isn't a finished project, when it is i'll share it just to share like the first poem.
Then,...
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kikkaku replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
The Mysterious Gunslinger kikkaku The Mysterious Gunslinger Sounded like every other person on Gaia, to be honest.
"I wrote a poem, think it's good-- when I need a lot of work".
Move along.
that's because pieces are best done as a collaborative process with other writers.
it's called peer review.
this isn't a finished project, when it is i'll share it just to share like ...
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Fayt of Fire replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
Images made me think. I like it a lot.
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llama is retarded replied 1 month, 4 weeks ago
kikkaku what would you do to make the second one better?
(i say second becuase the first one is finished and has been published, so i consider it untouchable)
I briefly read over both, and I think your second poem is stronger than your first. In what way do you think the first is untouchable? Just curious.
It's been a while since I've tried writing out a critique or a helpful ...
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