Thread: "Just lie still... Daddy learned this on the internet"

Quote: Originally Posted by Crown Royal Alt-Focus Flat-roofing. I did it for three long, maddening and painful years and I cannot think of another profession (aside from a trained soldier) that is more difficult to endure for such shitty pay. You work with rejects of society, kill yourself while getting filthy, corrosive shit all over you, and get paid barely more than a fucking fast food clerk. Yes, you get in amazing shape and every other...

Quote: Originally Posted by Jay-Bird Other than that I'll dive into just about anything. I'm too curious about shit, and hate having to wait on other people. If it's something I have no clue about, I'll watch the professional do it once just to get an idea, and I'll never call them again unless I have a question. And I cannot think of a time in recent history where I have completely FUBAR'd something because of...

I hated the carpet in my house. Between 2 kids spilling shit and a retarded dog, it had to go. So I did what any logical person would do. I decided I was going rip it up and install about 1500sq ft. of laminate flooring all by myself. Why in the world would I pay someone else over 5 grand for something I can do myself? step 1: rip up carpet and padding A few days after this I was so sick I ended up in the ER......the diagnosis? Pneumonia. Doc...

Quote: Originally Posted by Sunny Jim I lived on a rented farm for a few months. One of the people living there had a lamb he kept tethered outside, one night he forgot to bring the lamb inside before dusk, and a fox attacked it, tearing open its flank. This idiot put the lamb on the kitchen table and sewed it up himself. It was disgusting and cruel, and the lamb died of shock. On this same farm, the owner came to visit and had a heart...

I will not tackle any job that has to do with self surgery or self diagnosis, I leave that up to the professionals. There is a reason people go to school for 10 years for that shit. Other than that I'll dive into just about anything. I'm too curious about shit, and hate having to wait on other people. If it's something I have no clue about, I'll watch the professional do it once just to get an idea, and I'll never call...

While in college, I rented a room that was roughly a pubic hair larger than a kitchen pantry. I couldn't complain about the rent but it was almost impossible to fit all of my stuff in there plus Army gear. The only way I could figure it was if I jacked the bed up really high so that I could throw most of my crap underneath. I looked everywhere for a bed frame and finally decided it would just be easier to build one myself. I took shop in...

Focus: They are called electricians for a reason. I shorted out an entire apartment complex with a backhoe and one Filipino. They are called plumbers for a reason. Those little sprinkler heads that are way up high on the wall? Well, don't hit them with your hammer when you try to curve some crown molding around them. Anti Focus: I will never mow another blade of grass in my life. I will lay-out a goddamn football field of asphalt before...

I have destroyed not one, but two Playstation 2 consoles. The first was a few years old and had been purchased pretty much the day the system came out. One day the disc cartridge wouldn't open, so I figured, hey, a disc cartridge is jammed, how hard can that be to fix? Wiggle it around, make sure the screws are in the right place, no obstructions, should be easy, right? When I put the top back on and hit the power button, nothing...

I lived on a rented farm for a few months. One of the people living there had a lamb he kept tethered outside, one night he forgot to bring the lamb inside before dusk, and a fox attacked it, tearing open its flank. This idiot put the lamb on the kitchen table and sewed it up himself. It was disgusting and cruel, and the lamb died of shock. On this same farm, the owner came to visit and had a heart attack. Instead of calling an ambulance,...

Quote: Originally Posted by Frebis Knowing the way this board has been operating over the last six months, I bet this turns into a debate about whether or not you should have your children circumsized in 5...4...3...2... RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE! Focus: I learned how to play bass on a friend's bass - one that had been sitting in the closet for six years. Because of the corrosion or whatever, eventually when I...