Thread: For Jonny, and all our darling departed sisters and brothers..."their diminished size is in us, not in them".

in case you're interested

Ok, you were arriving just as I was leaving (my PGCE finished in 1995). I carried on living there till 2000, but in Chapel Allerton. Funny old small world isn't it. Have found myself crying a lot reading all your posts over the last few days. Start welling up as soon as I see your names for some reason. Am doing it now...

am so sorry to derxa and welcome xx

This week has been hard, hard work. Culminating in me almost bolting from a yoga class last night in tears (luckily it was bikram so no one noticed the tears amid all the sweat). I have to ring Cruse and get them to reassign me a counsellor, as I have come to the conclusion that the current guy is a complete twat. I actually ache for my brother's company. All the words I can't say to anyone else are weighing me down.

MissM, I feel exactly the same about hating it being a year as it means it's not recent anymore. I feel as though I haven't even begun to deal with the loss and like evansmummy says, if anything I feel worse. It is not the immediate terrible anguish { although that still sweeps over from time to time } but a deeper, darker feeling of sadness and loneliness. This is such a horrible journey we are all on. I am so pleased that you and...

EM - well done for doing the reading and glad to hear you feel a bit more 'peaceful'. Be prepared though that you may hit a bit of downer again in a few days, as you have been gearing up for the service and coming down from all the emotion etc. That probably is really helpful for you to read that isn't it !! I just remember that feeling though and maybe you had it initially after Jonny's death - that the world has gone...

Thanks for posting the eulogies. I've got one thats half written atm more of a first draft. I know i have to edit it. My dad just read it and the poem ive chosen to read and was in tears. Parents keep telling me it doesnt matter if i dont manage to read it, just that its being done and ive wrote it. Im not sure whether to include some memories i have of him with my ds.

thinking of you all xxx

evansmummy, I too think you have done a grand job of keeping that chin up. To go through all of the courst proceedings and visit the scene is traumatic enough. Such a shame you wont know the outcome until nearly a year will have gone by, the system is not a quick on is it ? You have got through the first Christmas and New Year without him. They are the worst and each year is different from here on IMO. In a funny (funny is not the right word...

I'm dreading my first christmas without him, even though we didn't meet up over christmas, we phoned each other all the time. It's already been 2 months, time flies.