Thread: Am I an ABUSER! (long)

Quote: Originally Posted by jasminetea Oh you know what, thank you so, so much. I'm really grateful for your help, I can't tell you how much. I'm also feeling real admiration for you and your brother and your management of what is such a needlessly hurtful situation. Thanks. I think it's probably fair to say that my father would have done a lot better with children of a different personality type, and I would have done...

Wow, Haven't checked on this thread for quite awhile. Thanks everyone for all the insightful input from both sides of the fence. Quick update, I am divorced now and have made a home for myself on the seperation and divorce board and have learned a lot and am trying hard to pass it along to others. I wood like to address some of the angrier responses that basicly infer that i am some sort of closet wife beater looking for justification, i...

Quote: Originally Posted by Taramere It's understandable. Change is so hard to effect in ourselves, that I think we focus on trying to change other people instead. That's very, very true. I guess I've learnt from this site, if nothing else, that hard though it may be its not impossible to change oneself. Quote: Originally Posted by Taramere Brilliant! I used snippets of it with regard to public speaking (I had a phobia)....

Quote: Originally Posted by sugarmomma Please speak for yourself because all people do not act like this. I am recovering from an abusive past and I had to become educated about all forms of abuse (psychological, mental, emotional, physical and financial). I also come from an abusive past, my father was jailed after attempting to murder my mom, after years of abuse. I grew up watching abuse, i know what it is thank you very much! You are...

You said an instance was the day before her divorce was final with her ex, were you an OM? Did you get with her before she divorced? Is this the reason you were overly jealous, because she cheated with you, so you thought she would cheat on you? If this is the case, you knew her character before you married and she knew yours, sounds like a divorce was inevitable if you(and she) haven't changed your core value systems.

I am on the fence about this. I think abuse is subjective, and if the person you are with views it as abuse, then you know you are doing something wrong. I grew up in an abusive family, but it manifested itself differently. Just going off of what I consider abuse, I'd say that you weren't abusive per se, you just have a big issue controlling your temper. There is no excuse for behavior when you lash out or behave violently, because...

Just from my own personal point of view...you'd have scared me when you got mad and threw stuff (etc), and I'd have felt intimidated by you, and the personal negative comments would have bought down my self esteem and made me very miserable...I think that the office analogy was a very good one, as really, the focus of someone throwing stuff and smashing stuff and shouting is to make the partner feel intimidated, scared, and fearful -...

Quote: Originally Posted by Mary3 She wanted an exit out . She found it. She is involved with this ex boyfriend . She is leaving you for him . Not trying to say the above to hurt you. But if she intends to keep you in the dark and play stupid about the other guy , she is wrong. I realize you were a former abuser. You have stated that you have made leaps and bounds for better treatment and behavior. I will give you that. I don't think ANY...

Quote: Originally Posted by tojaz I see these as unhealthy and barbaric acts of frustration, poorly managed anger. I see abuse as a deliberate attempt to cause harm or control another person for your own gain. While I have no doubts that these actions effected my wife, that was not WHY I did them. I took no pleasure, quite the opposite really. I just wanted to mention that there are actually few if any abusers that deliberately attempt to...

Quote: Originally Posted by Girlygal All of us have temper tantrums, we all throw things or punch things or say silly remarks on a persons driving (just ask my H, i drive him crazy with my back seat driving). They are not trye abusive patterns. Please speak for yourself because all people do not act like this. I am recovering from an abusive past and I had to become educated about all forms of abuse (psychological, mental, emotional, physical...