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<Slap> You're an arse. You'd do much better to focus on the problems in your first paragraph than anything about some bloke.

Or maybe it's just none of my business and I'm judging something that doesn't deserve judging.

Divorce. You do not love him, and he has lied to you and had an affair. Say it out loud to yourself. Will your kids thank you when they grow up and realise you stayed with a man who didn't respect you? I don't think so. Get out now before it gets messy. Well done for being calm. You can get through this.

* twice

Was just going to start one, thanks! OPO - your post was very sensible and helped me to see things as they really are. Indeed my friend and her father were just doing the polite thing. It was her wedding day, she wouldn't have been thinking about my issues or hurting me! My grandmother was in the wrong, no one else. I wouldn't have mentioned it to my friend. I suppose I am sorry I missed...

'the children can be happier afterwards... often their lives become more interesting and their parents more involved with them after divorce.' Mmmm, I'm afraid I am with Curiouscat on this one. How can an 'interesting' life and two lots of stockings at Christmas possibly be a good trade in for parents together? Not being judgey here, I know shit happens, but I don't like hearing the ...

Hello cruisemum - I am a bit tied up at the moment so this will be short. Your description sounds like an abusive man - he might not hit you but definitely controls your actions by making you afraid of his reaction to challenging his behaviour. I'd advise giving Womens Aid a call and having a chat with someone about the situation.

7 years? because he's an arse... what else is going on?

If you want to go away, then you need to say so. Waiting for someone to psychically know that you want to do something is a recipe for getting annoyed. Similarly, if you want him to take the lead in thing, you need to clearly tell him.

oh god, poor you. No advice, but really really sorry.