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He looked over the people in the grocery store: a mother feeding her child… a group of chatting schoolgirls… an old lady arguing with the sales person, her husband patiently waiting nearby…“Wicked Jews! You took our land!” passed through his mind as he pressed the button on his explosive belt.

I have no idea what to say to this other than, "Boom-chicky-boom, my friend!"

The Further Adventures of French Sailor By Steven Hunley French Sailor was told by his doctors to give up spinach and told to eat plenty of fruit. He does. He eats bananas, tangerines, papayas, mangoes, limes and lemons. Tropical fruit. South of the Border fruit. It is almost December so the fruit is from Mexico, Chile, and Brazil. Again, fool that French Sailor is, he eats too much. He has a strange desire to wrap a napkin around his head,...

Quote: You posted it on non-literature forums? You're either very brave or a fool It was pretty foolish in hindsight.

Yeah, I think mythological names would work, but it would be best if you used obscure ones cos all the big ones have been used a lot. Also some that belong to characters that have similar stories to the ones in your story. But that requires a bit of research, and my knowledge of mythology is pretty rusty these days. You posted it on non-literature forums? You're either very brave or a fool . What did you expect, who knows what those...

I love it! Linear and non - linear at the same time. I read it with the same taste I'd read a book from Dickens.

all right. forget about my last answer... this is a little out of control.. I wanted it to be a study on your reactions concerning my story, instead it has become a personal quarrel... I wanted to read and not to write. I just got furious when I felt treated like a little girl and not like a serious writer... whatsoever... it was the very first time I ever published something of my works and you thought me quite a good lesson. thank you all I...

----------------------------------------- Oh, just one thing. I realized it some time ago, your feelings are sometimes not reflected the way you want by your keyboard and sometimes sincere comments may sound rude. I just realized, when I request for something, for example,maybe a few instances where the critic found an error, some people may mistake it as a challenge to their comments. But my requests are simply requests. So, please forgive me...

mmmm....... alright, the biggest downfall with this work is there is no atmosphere to it. The statment 'unspeakable horrors' has no power unless backed up with a sense of eeriness. What may be a horror to you or me, may very well be a simple pang to someone elses conscience. it did as glover point out have that lovecraftian style (i guess) to it, but being a huge reader of lovecrafts work myself it just didn't pack the punch....

Just off the top of my head, I can tell you that you use an adverbial modifier practically every five words. It really weakens what you're trying to say when people are tripping over these things. Just as evidence, I recall seeing "insanely arched" (what does that even mean?), "quickly," and "nearly." All of these could be replaced by more unique and descriptive terms. I can tell that...